Kodak Dreams
They’re not even digital. I recycle like its my job. Not water bottles, though I try. Photos of my mom. The pictures of pictures I post on these milestone days year after year. It kills me that not one of them is digital.
Read Up
Divine sorrow
Come back to me and make everything better. Come back. 18 years. 18 minutes. 18 weeks. 18 months. 18 days. Its all meaningless. Just before and after the sun set. Today I’m going back down to ol’ rock bottom. I remember your beauty radiating out from under that thin sheet, where you barely existed anymore, only love and a Tibetan wooden necklace Andy and Michael gave you. I thought then “Please. Please don’t leave me here.”
Sex Ed
Is it just me or is the memory of your parents giving you ‘the talk’ seared in your mind’s eye as if it happened yesterday? I had pretty evolved parents, I mean, my mom was Swedish and well, you know those Swedes…she couldn’t wait to sit me down with that dreaded book with all those pictures.
The Empty Bowl
So this is for you mom. That day when you were in your dressing room, and you took too long to come out, it comes to me all the time. I came in and you were crying. It was the moment the curtain was pulled back. You looked right at me and said “what if I have to leave you?”
Tiny Footprints
Today was the day I capsized. Again. At this point its like my emptiness is swollen shut. Scabbed over and doused with enough social grace not to unload it on unsuspecting, ill-equipped listeners. All but those closest confidants are spared the ugliness of my feelings.
Crossfit And The Human Condition
Its been a crappy week in our house. Oscar was in the hospital with yet another bout of croup. This was different, though. He really couldn’t breathe. With each attempt
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A Soft Place To Land
I didn’t know what the word warrior meant before April. Ok. I thought I did. To me it conjured images of vikings and yoga classes. But I didn’t understand its implication before then. I think this quote is a pretty great one. And now I feel like I am closer to understanding it, or maybe giving the term the respect it is owed.
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The Longest Day
Hello from the Charlotte Airport. It’s been the freaking longest day ever. But I delivered my package safely and intact. We started at 5am and the first part was easy. Even ran into an NFL player at our gate. Of course, I only noticed because of his rings. Colt marched right up and asked him if they were Superbowl Rings. They were. Roland Williams.
In My Mind I’m Going To Carolina
The latter half of this week I spent in the mountains of western North Carolina where my oldest son Colt is enrolled in a school for boys on the autism spectrum. I share this because I think it is critical to talk about accommodations and challenges for children with special needs as well as engender solidarity whenever possible.
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ACJ
I am afraid to write about this. So I will. Matt didn’t exactly want a third child. Not then at least. Picture it. New Year’s Day. 2011. I invited him to The Capital Grille for a boozy lunch. And I had an agenda. I bided my time, talking about this and that, and every so often gesticulating to the waiter to signify my desire for another round.